Sunshine

I'm generally a rain and snow type of girl.  There's precious little I enjoy quite like a good storm and a window through which to watch it.  I've never been very heat tolerant and my un-tannable skin is just as happy to spend most of its time under cloud cover as well.  But yesterday, I spent a few minutes sitting out on my uncovered front porch, leaning back against the side of the house, and soaking in a clear, blue sky.  The cool of autumn has finally gotten here and had sunken itself into my toes and as I listened to the distant sound of my daughter wailing in her crib, I found myself thinking about the sun and thinking, 'this is perfect.'

Because I have to admit that yesterday was just one of those days.  There were no peaceful naps at the regular times or at any others, for that matter, and subsequently, the bed remained unmade, the laundry was still in haphazard piles all over the floor, (not to mention  a load more wadded up in the dryer, the door of which I didn't even get around to closing until late afternoon or early evening) the clean and dry dishes didn't move from their perch on my counter top, and I could go on.  On top of everything, I had a grouchy girl who insisted that she needed to be held at all times and I was expecting company for dinner that night.

Really, it was one of those days where you almost break down and burst into tears, half because you don't know what to do, and half because you want to, because crying would be a good way of letting off some steam and of convincing yourself that you should cuddle up with a good book and some hot chocolate.  I didn't even realize that I was at that point until about three in the afternoon, right in the midst of another failing nap.

Then began a series of tender mercies - I don't know what else to call them - or at least, then I began to notice them.  The first thing that really shook me out of feel-sorry-for-myself mode was a text I got that read "Hkmhujiiiohjjkkllppp" (I pulled out my phone to make sure that I was quoting it right).  I soon found out that a one-year-old, sixteen miles away, had just sent her first text.

I also got a text from my husband about that time.  Actually, I got a few.  I usually don't get text from him while he's at work, mostly because he's not so big on texting, so it was a special treat to get one from him, telling me that he loved me more than his sandwich.

And finally, there was the package that I remembered in the car, that my mom had sent and which I hadn't gotten a chance to open in the hurry of putting a certain little someone down for a nap.  She had told me that she would be sending us some odds and ends of ours that she had found, as well as a Halloween costume, but it's always fun to open a package, right?  Even if you already know what's in it.  Inside, I found a costume, a Halloween decoration, the aforementioned odds and ends, and then a little bag of candy, a grown-up treat that she must have known I'd be too cheap to buy, and a souvenir she had thought to get for me on a recent trip back east.

It's amazing how little things like that can give me the nudge I need to make or break my day.  As I listened to the continual sound of 'I'm still  not asleep, Mom, and I'm still not happy about it,' began browning hamburger and opening a can of pumpkin, I realized that I was suddenly feeling rather grateful.  It's a heavy feeling sometimes, not heavy like carrying a sack of rocks around, but like the heaviness of a thick wool blanket that makes you feel secure and takes your body heat to feed it back to you.  It's a delicious, heaviness, a be-still heaviness.

During moments like that, I realize that God isn't so far away from us.  It was one of those times when I thought, 'if I were a poet, this would be a good time to write a poem,' one of those times when, if I didn't feel such a heavy stillness, I would have sung all of my favorite songs.  And I thought, 'I'm thankful for little things, like texts.  And candy.  And my mom.  And pumpkin.  And my non-napping daughter.  And families.  And sunshine.'

The Great Outdoors and Something Green!

Many things green, actually.

Since we spent all summer worrying about getting a job and a place to live, we neglected all of our camping gear in the dusty, spider-y cellar.  Now that we no longer have a dusty, spider-y cellar and do have a place to live, we decided to take the camp gear out of the closet in the laundry room and went off in search of something green.

I have to tell you that we picked the coldest day in October to do it.  It was raining for the first time all month as we were gathering the stuff and preparing to leave.  Oh, and the power was out.  I kept asking/telling Ben that we must be crazy.  I'm beginning to think that that's the point of being young and  married, though.  At least, in my case, it's been a time for doing all of those crazy, borderline irresponsible (but only borderline.  There is a child involved here, you know) things that I didn't do in college.

But where was I?  Oh yes - October.  The coldest day in October.  So far.  (I know some of you are rolling your eyes, thinking 'well of course it was the coldest day, Caitlin.  That's what happens in the Fall.  The days get colder.'  Yeah, well, it warmed up again afterward.  This was a special dip in temperature, just for our camping  trip.)  Just to add to the drama of this story, I might add that it was not raining, but snowing as we headed out.  When it stopped, however, and the sun came out, it seemed like everything was going to be honky dory, just like the National Weather Service promised.

Would it be going too far to say that I was completely enamored by our campsite?  OK, not by the site itself.  There was a barbed wire fence just behind it and it was five minutes from a Walmart, which drove Ben just a little crazy.  But there were trees!  Big, tall ones with needles and pine cones.  It was green, I tell you - beautiful, beautiful green!  I raved on and on about it while we started to set up camp.

I tried to help Ben with the tent and such.  I laid a blanket on the ground for Thunder and she seemed content with that, but when I turned around to look at her, she had made her way to the edge of the blanket and had a little hand at her mouth.  I found not one, but three little marble-sized rocks in there.  What the fascination with little rocks is, I don't know, but from everywhere I thought of to put her, she found her way to those little rocks.  So in the end, I took pictures and kept her out of trouble while Ben did all of the work setting up.

We had a marvelous evening together.  It was our first time camping by ourselves since Thunder was born.  Wrapped in two pairs of pajamas, a blanket, and her Peruvian chullo (hat), she seemed pretty comfortable.

  

We did pretty well through the night, with her between us, but we woke up to an icy, frosty world.  We made the mistake of leaving our water out on the picnic table, where it froze solid in the bottle.  The water in the spigot by the bathrooms was also frozen in the pipes.

Since we couldn't very well make breakfast without water, we decided to take a look at the lake.  The all-knowing internet had promised us that there would be a plethora of beautiful hiking trails, but when we had arrived the night before, the ranger informed us that there were none.  At best, he told us, we could walk around the lake, so that's what we did.  In some ways, I think that that was the best part of the whole adventure.

I couldn't get enough of watching that mist rise off the still water as the sun was coming up.

Ben says that this picture looks like an album cover.  I thought it was kind of a neat, dramatic shot.

After we froze our way through breakfast, we decided that one night was enough.  I have decided that October is my favorite month out of the year, but as far as camping goes, I think I prefer June, July and August. 

The Middle of Somewhere

Wow, and it has been awhile.  Coming back to this blog feels like walking into a big, empty warehouse with a layer of dust on the floor, where everything you do and say echoes.  Like this:

Hello!

Hello!

Hello!

Hello!

Hello...

Anyway, enough of that.  I guess I owe you an update.  I guess friends and family all pretty much know that we have moved (finally) and are adjusting to a very unique new home.  We are now living near an Indian Reservation and for the first time in our lives, are learning what it feels like to be in the minority.  Our neighbors and pretty much everyone out here are/is (?) exceedingly friendly, and while we live almost an hour from a grocery store, I've been surprised at how little we feel isolated here.

When we found out that we would be coming here, one of my friends looked the place up on the internet and said something to the effect of 'Wow, now you're really living in the middle of nowhere!'  I half-jokingly called our last home the middle of nowhere and now I feel like such a city kid for even thinking that.  It was a city with a population of ten-thousand and Walmart was within fifteen minutes of our home.  I guess I was noticing the cows practically in our backyard and the miles and miles of farmland all around us.

Now, we are in ranch country.  We have a gas station, a convenience store, and not very much else, but as we were driving up the little mesa that we would soon call home, the words that passed through my mind were 'the middle of somewhere.'  This is a tiny, spread out community, but we have a library, a school district and a church - three churches, actually, and counting.  These crazy dirt roads that wind every which way through miles of sagebrush and creosote lead to homes with people in them.  I know - what a groundbreaking revelation I've stumbled upon, but I'm understanding, finally, what it means, both to be lost in a big city and to be lost in a small town.

Maybe the fact of the matter is that I am just now learning to appreciate the immense value of individuals, while at the same time, I am all the time more amazed by the sheer immensity of the human race.  How can there be so many?  And how can each one be an individual, a child of God with thoughts, feelings, a past, present and future?  I feel like I'm constantly thinking back on Alan Paton's words - "Why fear the one thing in a great city where there are thousands and thousands of people?"

I wish I could say that I have taken pictures, to show you a little bit of where we are and what it's like.  I haven't.  As a matter of fact, my husband found my camera only yesterday.  I thought it had been lost in the move.  We have a nice camcorder that takes beautiful pictures, but I have now admitted to myself that I am, in some deep part of my soul, a little tiny bit afraid of the camcorder.  I'm working on it.  For now, though, I'll just share with you what few pictures I have taken and try to give a little bit of description of the rest:

The view from our front porch.

Most of our windows are east-facing, so we get a nice, sunny kitchen, living room, and master bedroom (yes!  We have a master bedroom!) in the mornings.  The only part of the house that remains cold is the nursery, so we've had to be a little bit innovative there.  I noticed when we first got here, in the beginning of August, that shortly after the light hit our window shades, they turned pink.  My mom, who grew up not far from here, says that the vibrant sunrises and sunsets have to do with the dust in the air.

Another thing that we have learned is that there are lots and lots of thorns.  It's almost impossible to keep them out of the house.  We quickly found that we could mitigate the problem by taking our shoes off at the door, but they still pop up quite often.  I have pulled several from our little Thunder's mouth already.  The thing that I miss most about home so far is, well, the color green.  There is green here.  It's actually been much greener than we expected, thanks to the late summer monsoons which come up this way from Mexico.  There's nothing like a good thunder storm and we've had dozens of those already.  Still, I grew up in the mountains, minutes from beautiful hiking trails and the beauty of this place is something to which I need to adjust.

I mentioned before that we live up on a mesa.  That's a treat all by itself.  I always thought that you had to be rich or at least well established to live in a house on a hill.  I guess not!  There are plenty of hills and the red, orange and yellow rock formations for which the southwest is known around here.  We have a view of the interstate, the railroad, and quite an expanse of land below us during the day, and during the night, we have an amazing view overhead.  Despite the streetlamps throughout our little neighborhood, the lack of surrounding city lights allows us to see the stars more clearly than in either of our previous homes.  Ben and I slept out on our porch a couple of weeks ago to look for constellations and planets.  It was then that I learned that the constellation which I have always thought to be the little dipper is, in fact, not.  As it turns out, north does not really mean 'up.'  Who knew?

I suppose I've rambled on long enough.  For those of you who read this (I think there's actually only one person), the blog is still enduring its identity crisis, as evidenced by its makeover, name change, etc., so if the posts are somewhat all over the place, that's why.  Nevertheless, I've decided to give the whole blogging thing a second try.  I suppose that's all for tonight.  Over and out.

Identity Crisis

Yes, this blog has been having an identity crisis.  I blame my lack of posts on that...mostly.  Finally, since school let out, I've had a spare moment here and there, so long as I scramble at the beginning of the day.  I imagined I'd have more than that, but once again, all of those things people tell you about parenthood, namely the tiredness, the busyness, the all-around-craziness, have proven true.  Thunder is proving to be not one, not two, but three handfulls.

Anyway, the point is that I DO have a spare minute once in awhile, and that I haven't spent many of them blogging.  Why?  Because this blog isn't sure why it was created or what it's supposed to talk about.  Initially, I began posting about what was going on in our lives.  We had just moved to another town, kinda far from either of our families, and I thought that a blog would be a good way to keep everyone updated on our goings on.  That lasted a couple months, and I guess I did OK, but eventually I had to ask myself, 'Self, who really wants to read about you changing the rotors on your car?' (Notice that I did include a link to that post, though, in case anyone really is interested.  It just seemed like the hip thing to do :).

In the last few months especially, it has begun to seem just a little redundant as well.  We began a while ago to plan on relocating and most of the places we've looked at going are within an hour of our parents.  So lately, the reason I haven't found time to tell our families about what we're doing and how and why and etc. is because we have been spending all our time with family, trying to pull this move off.

Sometimes, I've thought about going in a cooking blog direction.  I'm not exactly a phenomenal cook or anything, but I like to play around in my kitchen quite a lot and I must confess that often when I needed a break during those long hours of writing long, dull, perfectly APA formatted papers, I would find somebody else's blog about cooking and read it.  Just for fun.  Is that geeky?  I don't seem to get out enough to know, nowadays.  In all honesty, clueless has always been something I'm good at.

But most of that paragraph is beside the point.  Why did you decide not to make this blog into a cooking blog, Caitlin?

Ah, yes.  Because I'm a rather impatient cook.  I don't usually measure, I'm not good at taking pictures as I go, and I'm certainly not good at making things look appetizing.  I would need to hire a pro.  Besides that, my methods tend to be a little unorthodox, which is only sometimes a good thing.

Another bump in the road has been some of the other blogs I've glimpsed as I've wandered the wide web.  It seems like some of the more consistent bloggers are also the more egotistical ones  As I've thought about that one, I've realized that that is probably just because if you have a certain space in which to post exclusively about yourself, your life and/or things you're doing, of course it will sound like that.  If everyone in the world who keeps a journal were to post it online, I would probably come away thinking that they are all egotistical too.  So you can see that that's something I've already worked out in my mind...sort of.  I guess I'm still a little nervous that I'll come off that way.

And so, to conclude this little ramble, that is more or less why I have been absent from my internet dwelling place these past few months.  The blog will be doing a little soul searching (if blogs have souls.  If not, it can borrow mine for a bit) and we'll be getting back to you soon.

Yours truly,

Caitlin

P.S. Here's a picture of Thunder to make viewing this post worth your while:

Pizza Soup!

Because if I didn't post it now, it would end up being months later and I would feel very badly.

You will need:

1 carrot, chopped
1/4 bell pepper, chopped (a rare luxury, but if you have one handy, go for it!)
1 stalk of celery, chopped (or 'stick.'  I don't know.  A couple weeks ago, Ben told me that a 'stalk' means the whole bunch...so one of those long green things, and not the whole bunch.)
1 largish tomato, chopped
1/2 onion, chopped
1/4-ish cup pepperoni, cut into quarters
3-4 cups chicken broth
1/2 chicken breast, cooked & cubed
1-2 Tbsp butter
1-2 Tbsp flour
1 cup milk
garlic
marjoram
oregano
macaroni or other noodles
parmesan cheese
mozzarella cheese

So...

Combine all of your chopped vegetables, pepperoni and chicken in a pot with chicken broth and put over medium heat on the stove.  Let it cook for 20-30 minutes, or until the carrots and celery are appropriately soft (there's little that bugs me more than my carrots and/or celery being only halfway done, but some people don't mind it).

Meanwhile: melt butter and whisk in flour and then milk to make a rue.  The measurements I listed above aren't exact because I'm not very good at taking measurements first...sorry...  You don't want it to be too thick, like clam chowder or something.  Just enough to make the soup a little bit creamy.  Add this to the vegetables, broth & meat, stirring to incorporate it.

Season the soup with garlic, marjoram, oregano and black pepper.  Once again, I didn't pay attention to how much I used, but don't overdo it.  The pepperoni adds a lot of flavor.

Add your noodles about ten minutes before serving.  This will make the soup kind of thick, so add more broth if you need to.

Add the cheeses just before serving - a generous pinch of mozzarella and a sprinkle of parmesan.


We love this one, hope you do too.

11 Questions and Answers

So today is a glorious day.  I woke up when Thunder told me to, I made a goal about the ridiculous amount of homework I was going to accomplish today...and I did it.  That really caught me off guard.  I'm more used to making ridiculous homework goals and getting nowhere near finished.  I guess Thunder was just being my willing helper.  

Anyway, I wasn't sure what to do with myself.  I put this little girl in the baby sling and made dinner, put away the dishes, called my husband to ask where the cheese had gone, and then put Thunder's jacket on her and walked around the house a few times to enjoy the sunshine while she blew spit bubbles for me (I would have gone on a real walk, but we left the stroller at her Grandma's house by accident.  Oops...).  When she began to fuss, I was forced inside and had to decide once again, what to do.  Since she wouldn't let me put her down, I couldn't clean, so I thought 'Oh yeah, I have a blog.  I wonder if it's still there?'  And it is!!!  So I decided to finally answer Kristin's Liebster questions.   

Kristin, I think I fail at this, but thanks for including me anyway. 

1.  What movie would you recommend to me that I probably haven't seen?

'Lagaan: Once upon a time in India.'  I'm guessing you haven't seen it.  It's Bollywood which means 1. you have to read subtitles, 2. the music and dancing are to die for (one Christmas I asked Santa for the soundtrack) and 3. it's clean! (I guess I don't know if all Bollywood movies are clean, but from what I've seen, they sure beat Hollywood).  Best foreign-historical-sports-musical film ever. ;)

2.  If you could go back to college, or just start over if you're there, what would you major in?

I think I would still major in nursing, because it's terribly practical and as soul-sucking as nursing school is, I've enjoyed every nursing job I've had so far.  What I would do differently is decide on a minor that would be fun and stimulating early on.  Maybe English.  I tried to do an English minor, but I didn't realize that I wanted to until it was too late.

3.  What's your favorite recipe that you'd like to share with me?

Pizza soup has been our latest favorite around here, but I'll post it on the next post, so I don't over-clutter this one.


4.  What's the funniest thing you've heard a child say?  Naturally, it could be your own.

Once when we were at my grandma's house, my very, very rambunctious cousin Tom, four or five years old at the time, walked up to my teenage sister, took her chin in his hand, and said, in his most suave voice, "here's something to remember me by," and just like that, she got her first kiss.  Maybe it's one of those you-would-have-to-have-been-there stories, but that's all I have for now.


5.  How much time do you spend on the computer each day?

Too much.  Way too much.  Only three weeks are left of online school, and then I will be free from the dismal internet, visiting only for an occasional facebook visit, and to read cooking blogs (which I think is a little strange, but I can't help myself). 


6.  If you had to be lactose intolerant or gluten intolerant, which would you choose?

Hard choice... maybe lactose intolerant because gluten intolerance limits you more, but oh!  How I love my milk, cheese, and yogurt.  Soy just isn't the same.  I don't think I could ever be vegan.


7.  Tell me about the funnest date you've been on.

Two years ago (has it really been that long?!), my now-husband took me to general conference and we spent two hours standing outside with a bunch of other young adults singing in the snow and rain.  Then we went in to listen to conference and all through talk after talk about marriage, I thought 'it's a good thing neither of us is seriously thinking about marriage right now, or this would feel so awkward.' (He proposed three weeks later.)  That was also the day he met my family and we had our first kiss.  I could go on and on with detail, but that's probably a story for another day.


8.  In what ways have you changed since childhood?  I'm not talking physically. . .

I suppose I'm less of a drama queen...a little...


9.  If there was one thing you'd change about yourself, what would it be?

Where do I start?  I guess I would give up my taste for sweets.  Anyone who knows me knows that I have a sugar tooth that is beyond compare.  It's one of my favorite and least favorite vices.


10.  What would you do if you were given one million dollars tomorrow?

Put it in the bank, probably.  I know, I'm boring.


11.  Did you make it clear to the end?

Yes!  After how many months?  But here we are, and I might add that I did it one-handed because Thunder is sleeping in the other.  :)

The Rules & 11 Facts About Me

A couple of months ago, just about the same time I decided that I temporarily didn't have time to read anyone's blogs, much less blog myself, my sister-in-law nominated me for the Liebster Award, for 'up and coming bloggers' (sorry, Kristin, I hope you don't mind if I basically plagiarize the description from your blog!), though in my case, I'm sure that what I need is much less an award than a wake-up call.  Either way, this might just do the trick.

The rules are as follows (and yes, I also copied and pasted these from Kristin's blog):

1. Each person awarded must post 11 facts about themselves.
2. Answer the 11 questions the nominator has set for them.
3. Choose five bloggers to nominate.
4. Create 11 more questions for the bloggers they will nominate.
5. Let the lucky bloggers know.

Admittedly, I have hesitated a couple of weeks to start working on this.  Quite the opposite of Kristin, I have found that I take and upload lots of pictures, but can never quite decide what to say about them. This is such a fun idea, but I haven't had time to brainstorm all thirty-six items included in the requirements, so I'm going to be a little lazy and cut it up into lots of little posts.

Without further ado:

(I hope these don't have to be in any particular order)

1. I was once frostbitten.  There's a faint scar the size and shape of a band-aid on my left ankle and I'm really quite ridiculously proud of it.  Now, of course, it's lost some of its thunder because my sister recently got frostbitten worse than I did by being a much more hardcore athlete than I ever was, and the scar is fading, and I no longer push myself to go running in -13 degree weather...but still.

2. I have a  serious book fetish.  I collect them, especially novels.  The discount book rack at the library or the ones in thrift stores rarely fail to draw me in and Ben has learned to give me five minutes or so before (literally) dragging me away.  I have the book collection in my bedroom, sorted by the ones I have read and those I haven't, and I'm pleased to say that they're pretty closely tied.  I'll work on reading more after I graduate, though.

3. When I was fourteen years old, I was pretty much convinced that I wanted to become a nun, largely because boys were about the least interesting thing in the world and seminary was the most interesting.  By and  by, I came to the realization that nuns were a Catholic thing and I was not.  It turns out that being married to a boy (man ;) and having my own baby is a lot of fun, though.  And I get to wear cute clothes.

4. I am just a tad bit O.C.D. (or maybe I ought to say that I have a tad bit of O.C.D.  Whatever.)  It used to be that there were certain tiles on my parents' kitchen floor that I made a point to avoid (every other tile, to be precise), I would count my steps on the sidewalk to make sure that I stepped on each block an even number of times and never stepped on a crack.  I'm mostly cured now, but still whenever I'm eating small, bite-sized things  like chocolate chips, raisins, M&Ms, etc. I have to eat an even number of them and if they are multicolored (like M&Ms or skittles), I can't eat a pair that are both the same color together.

5. Two things I have always wanted to do: run a marathon and write a book (and have it published).

6. A confession: I am something of a habitual nail-biter.  It has nothing to do with nervousness or anything like that.  Honestly, I find it somewhat...entertaining.  Is that a bad thing to post on the internet?  Oh well, there it is anyway.  I guess I'll try to quit.

7. Some of my favorite things: my wonderful husband, my little girl, good poetry (I'm somewhat of a snob about it), running, mountains.

8. Chocolate chip cookie dough is definitely my guilty pleasure.  I never get tired of it, except when I've had too much, in which case I get a little sick of it, but that only lasts a few hours or a couple days at most.  I know, I know - salmonella (is that right?  You would think I would know how to spell it...).  I guess I'm a glutton for punishment, but I'll save that for another fact.

9. I'm a glutton for punishment. :)

10. Some of my favorite books (at the time I read them...it's been awhile, so I can't say for certain whether I would get the same enjoyment out of them right now) are/were: 'Cry the Beloved Country' by Alan Paton (love, love, love it), 'Lizzie Bright and the Buckminster Boy' by Gary D. Shmidt, and 'The Book Thief' by Marcus Zusak.  I also remember liking 'A Tree Grows in Brooklyn' (Betty Smith), 'Cold Sassy Tree' (Olive Ann Burns).  Currently I'm reading 'Anna Karenina,' but I don't think it'll make the list.

11. I typed quite a few of these one-handed, while holding little Thunder.  Woot!  I do feel accomplished!  Thanks Kristin.