And do you know what? I have to admit that I like being pregnant. No, I love it. True, I've probably had the easiest pregnancy in the history of pregnancies. I spent the first trimester feeling sick, but never threw up and since then, Ben puts up with occasional spells of moodiness and a couple of times heartburn has kept me up at night. Meanwhile, I get to feel pretty and cute no matter how big of a dinner I just ate, because my bloated stomach is hiding behind my uterus. The best part of all is the kicks and wiggles. I just can't get enough. I'm sure that my coworkers have noticed me stop what I'm doing from time to time to put my hands on my belly or to just stare at it, to see it bulge out where my baby is pushing. It's like on Winnie the Pooh, when Pooh swallows a mouthful of honey, bees and all, and then the bees begin buzzing and you can see them bouncing around in his tummy. I love it. I still have moments when I realize what is about to happen to our lives and I think 'what am I doing? I don't know how to do this. What have I done?' But for the most part, it's an mix of giddy anticipation and quiet satisfaction that I find in the little mystery inside me.
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| Our chain counting the days until Christmas - yes, we are now some of those people. |
Ben has been working hard all day on putting in grades and planning lessons. He'll never tell you that he's the one who does all the work around here, but I can't help but believe it's true. We spent the morning cleaning and for every task I finished, it seemed like he had finished two or three. I guess that if it doesn't bother him, I won't let it bother me. I'll become more efficient by and by, I think. I've decided that we gain strength to do what is required of us and little more. I discovered it during school last year, noticing classmates who were working full time, instead of part, as well as attending nursing school and maybe raising a couple of kids as well. Now I'm working full time and taking a full semester concurrently and surviving, but you know what? I couldn't have done it a year ago. I didn't have the capacity because I didn't have to have it. It's like pregnancy, in a way (because pregnancy and babies are on my mind lately, I hope you'll forgive the analogy. Everything is somehow like or unlike pregnancy these days - already my world is beginning to exist in relation to my baby). Your abilities stretch and grow to accommodate whatever burdens you find yourself obliged to carry, and it is a stretch, make no mistake. You'll bounce back as soon and as much as circumstance allows, but you'll never be the same again.
If it were still light outside, I might take a picture to show you how the trees in our backyard are changing color or how the walkway to our kitchen is littered with leaves. If it were possible, I'd post the smell too, because there's nothing like that smell and I have never found a decent imitation of it. Our clothes have been hanging outside on the drying lines all day and when we bring them in they will be dry, but will feel wet, just because they are so thoroughly chilled from the October-ness of this evening. When you get right down to it, there is no way to capture Autumn. One just has to experience it and then remember as best they can until it comes again. What I can give you is this, a picture of some of my favorite people in the world in my own kitchen.
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| Three of my four beautiful nieces who came to pay us a visit last month. |
Love,
Caitlin
