Happiness

Last night, I had laundry to fold and Ben had things to do on the computer that were not really conducive to family time, so in a rather non-creative attempt to make it a family activity, we put on Les Miserables (1998? version), one of my favorite movies.  To me it's very much a humanist story, about the potential in every person and about the ability of the Atonement of Christ to transform us.

In all of the reflecting I've gotten to do this past month and in all of the fond memories I've found, I've also stumbled across some memories of which I'm anything but proud.  Growing up, I always knew that I was the 'difficult' child, and truly I was a piece of work.  As a teenager, I didn't sow my wild oats in the way many other teens do, but it wasn't exactly smooth sailing.  As I transitioned to adulthood, I could feel myself growing tremendously in some aspects, but I also experienced some of the most turbulent times of my life.

I've spent a lot of time looking back on those years and on the people I knew then, wondering, 'why wasn't I as good or kind or [insert virtue] as [insert name - probably your own if I've ever known you ;)]?'  Yes, I know that everyone has their own challenges, and I know that many of the people who knew me growing up, found it hard to believe that I could ever be out of line.  Nevertheless, I know my faults very well, and have known them for a long time and, like many people, I'm a harsh critic when it comes to my shortcomings.  But as I listened to the Bishop admonish Valjean, "Now don't forget, don't ever forget you've promised to become a new man," and then watched his subsequent transformation, I remembered all over again, the peace.

I remembered that, because of the tremendous gift that my Savior has given to me, and to each of us, I can let go of my regrets.  I can let go of the moments - so many of them - which I destroyed in passing.  I need not relive the unkind things I've said or done, my vanity, or my impatience.  Thanks to that gift, I am able to stop ruing that I never was the person I wanted to be, and instead can focus on becoming the person I want to be now.

This may be my last post before Thanksgiving.  In all my efforts to express gratitude this month, I will have failed if I do not acknowledge this most important thing: that every good thing - yes, every good thing in my life has come to me and comes to me still, by way of my Savior, Jesus Christ.  I too seldom mention it, but I must do it now.  His was the supreme and all encompassing gift and more than anything in my life or anything I have power to comprehend, I am grateful for that.  It has taken years for me to begin to understand what the apostle John meant, in saying that "We love Him, because He first loved us" (1 John 4:19, KJV).

I do love Him.  I am glad for the words of prophets, ancient and modern, that testify of Him, so much more powerfully than I can do.  And I am grateful for those moments of clarity, when the 'thank-you's come like a heartbeat, not for His sake, but for mine.  When I feel truly grateful to Him, it is my sustenance, and it flows over.  And that is true happiness.

Happy Thanksgiving.